Life for the perpetually online: you rise from slumber,??? ? ?? rub the sleep from your eyes, take a deep sigh, grab your phone, pop open Twitter, and, "What the... 'demon sperm' is trending?"

At least, that was life on Tuesday for those of us who spend too much time on Twitter. America, really, truly, did wake up to "demon sperm" trending.

"Why in the hell was demon sperm trending?" you might be wondering. Even more, "Why is demon sperm trending and alsolabeled as politics?"

Good questions, reader. Let me explain, so you don't have to do that digging yourself. But just know it can pretty much be blamed on Twitter's trending section being hopelessly broken.

So Donald Trump Jr.'s Twitter account was temporarily frozen on Tuesday after he posted a video spreading misinformation about the coronavirus. Dr. Stella Immanuel, a minister featured prominently in that video, has spouted off dubious claims about COVID-19. She has touted hydroxychloroquine — the drug President Donald Trump has praised despite the FDA warning against its use — and said that facemasks aren't needed to stop the virus's spread.

Immanuel has also made some... let's say... strange claims about all kinds of topics. As the Daily Beast wrote in detail, she has claimed alien DNA is used in medical treatments and that reptilians/aliens run the government. She has also repeatedly preached against biblical characters dubbed “nephilim," which basically boils down to the idea that many physical issues are caused by people having dream sex with demons and receiving demon sperm.

“They turn into a woman and then they sleep with the man and collect his sperm,” Immanuel said in a sermon. “Then they turn into the man and they sleep with a man and deposit the sperm and reproduce more of themselves.”

So, yep, that's why demon sperm was trending.

But here's the thing —it shouldn't be trending. Back in May, I wrote about how Twitter's trending topics was especially awful during the pandemic. Somehow, it's only gotten worse.

At this point, trending topics feels beyond repair. At a time where there is just more news than ever, trending topics — which pulls out phrases via an algorithm — does nothing to clarify for users what the news that's trending actually is. Instead, it often leaves confused readers scrolling through tweets asking why the topic is trending. Useful!

In a sensible version of today's events, Twitter's trending would've done a quick, clear job of explaining how and why Trump Jr. was temporarily booted. Instead, we got demon sperm.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

Demon sperm is a funny phrase, sure. But the real story is that people in power are sharing dangerous ideas about a deadly disease. Nearly 150,000 Americans have died.

Trending, as it stands now, is impersonal and insufficient. It hardly ever actually tells you anything. It's easily overwhelmed by pullout phrases that tell only a tiny part of much larger, more important story. Sometimes you can dig to the heart of the matter, but other times it's almost impossible.

It'd be nice to have an easy-to-discern digest of what's happening online during the pandemic, the ongoing political crisis, and whatever else this year throws at us. Twitter is a firehose of news and, theoretically, it could be a nice spot to quickly see what's important in the moment.

Instead, we get demon sperm.